Qanzaspeak

So, the college Student Environmental Alliance is selling plastic travel mugs that read, “Save the planet one cup at a time.” Yes, if you use the same cup over and over instead of wasting a paper, Styrofoam, or plastic cup every time you caffeinate, you’re greatly reducing waste. I get it.

Still, come on. Saving the planet…with plastics? It’s kinda’ funny.

The SO just brought me home a hands free Bluetooth ear piece for my cell phone.

Oh, hold on a minute. I’m getting a call.

Sorry about that. My friend Jennie is standing in line to buy tickets at the movie theater and wanted to tell me about the new shoes she bought on sale. I mean really, she saved a bundle! She always has the best shoes, and is such a bargain hunter. She’s constantly calling me from sales to see if I want anything.

Anyway, all of my “technology” comes via gifts and hand-me-downs. Left to my own devices, I’d still be using a pencil and paper, a rotary telephone, and a record player. I guess he doesn’t feel I spend enough…oh, just a sec. I should take this.

Oh, thats hysterical! Josh just called me from his Physics class! I guess the professor has chalk all over his ass. He sent me a picture. What a scream. I’m gonna text him back. Wait, what is it, ROTFLMAO? Yeah. No. Yeah, that’s it.

What was I saying? Oh, just a sec. Who’s calling me? Tina? I’m not answering. She never answers when I call her so we’ll see how she likes it! Anyway, I guess he thinks I should spend more time talking to him while I’m commuting on the highway. Isn’t that sweet? Now I’ll look like I’m heading to or from a Trekie convention while muttering to myself. Even worse, I’ll be one of those people careening in and out of traffic, getting into or causing accidents, all so I can find out if I should pick up frozen Taquitos at the store for dinner. Wait, is that my phone ringing? Oh, no. Sorry, it was just some mariachi music on a TV commercial. Sounded just like the ringer I have programmed in for when my boss calls. I love that diddy, just like everyone in the library I study in. Well, except for the ones who are all shhhhhhh! Some people, sticks up their you-know-whats!

Anyway, I see so many near misses on the highway where someone’s gabbing away into their hands free ear piece and almost merges into another car. It’s f-ing scary. I turn my phone off when I’m driving. I suppose I’ll use my ear piece so I can multi-task at home while talking on the phone. Dishes, laundry, pottery wheel, puppet shows, my life just opened up. This must be how Mandela felt when he was released. Yes, it’s exactly like that.

It’s charging right now. I’m going to order a pizza for dinner, but I’m waiting for my hands free ear piece to be ready so I don’t have to interrupt my fingerpainting project to order. Hey. How’d I get all this fingerpaint on my keyboard?